I don’t know what a lazy day looks like. If I have a day off coming up, I get excited. I get excited not because I’ll have a day to relax, but because of all the possible things I could get done that day. Relaxing makes me anxious, just the thought of letting the day go to waste doing nothing. For the ones who have a little bit of an ‘inner perfectionist’ or are highly ambitious, you may also be able to relate to this post.
Generally my days would be crammed with as many things I could possibly fit in, and I’d be chasing one goal after the other. I could never understand the word boredom. How could boredom exist, when there’s so much to do out there? I would think to myself. I didn’t leave any room for boredom in my life.
The past 6 months have been the busiest, even more so the last month. I increased my hours at work and took on more stressful positions at work. Then with the free time that I had, I juggled between assignments, writing, appointments, joining new fitness groups, spending time with family and friends, trying to make time for healthy meals, going through as many self development books as I could go through in a week, while somewhere trying to fit in self care and find clarity to plan out my future goals. I was under some grandiose delusion that maybe I could achieve it all, and the faster I got there, the more time I would have. I mean everyone else seems to get it all done right? I thought to myself.
I didn’t know how to slow down, all I knew is that I had a life to live. I had dreams to achieve, and I needed to get there fast. I was rushing through each moment. It was utter chaos inside. While rushing through the moments I was ignoring how much I was really pilling upon myself. Whenever I had a day off, I would fall sick with a migraine or wake up feeling tired, and still push myself forward. I kept ignoring all the signs I was getting. While driving, I was thinking about learning to take it easy, and as I turned on the radio, at that exact moment, a song was playing with the words “slow down” (ahh synchronicity at its finest). I remember two of my friends saying to me in that same month “maybe the universe is telling you to slow down.” Maybe, I thought…but I still had no clue how to actually slow down. So I continued on my chaotic path for the week. The following week, I woke up feeling exhausted but never the less I put on my superwoman cape and began the day. I went out to run some errands for my dad. With my thoughts scattered and feeling completely un-grounded, I stepped on something squishy (felt like a tomato or something?!), and slipped and sprained my ankle…really bad. I was in pain for a few days, and had to cancel work as I couldn’t bear weight on that foot at all. Now I had no choice, but to slow down.
And this time I got the message loud and clear…SLOW DOWN…BREATHE…ONE THING AT A TIME.
And I got a painful lesson with it too! One thing I have learnt over the past few months is that you can’t rush your dreams. You need to work with the flow of the universe, everything happens in divine timing. Working towards your goals is great, but you need to be compassionate to yourself and get the rest that you deserve. Listen to your body. For goal driven people like me, relaxing might feel like a complete waste of time but in actual fact your mind will function better and you’ll have more clarity, and your creativity will also improve. You can’t be creative with a stressed mind. Oh and don’t worry about having it all! Because no-one does, as I had once thought. A very honest example of this was in a recent book I read ‘Year of yes’ by Shonda Rhimes (producer and writer of Grey’s Anatomy), where she explains that life is a trade off, if you’re succeeding in one area of your life, then you are failing in another area.
Having it all, and under control is impossible. It’s okay to slow down, and give yourself a break when you need it.
So superwomen cape aside, and a few days of gossip girl and bed rest it is then! 📺🍿