When I was younger, I used to think it was a good thing when people praised me for being ‘selfless’, while the worst insult anyone could ever call me was ‘selfish’. Perhaps it was the negative societal views towards ‘selfishness’, or the way my parents brought me up to care for others, but in my eyes, selfish people were bad people. No one liked a selfish person, and I never wanted to be that person. So I went to the other extreme.
I grew up always putting others needs ahead of mine. Always the one who was attuned with everyone’s needs. Everyone’s needs, except for my own. I knew what others wanted and needed, sometimes even before they did. I lived for others.
Eventually I didn’t even know what I wanted. I knew what made others happy, but I didn’t know what made me happy. My wants and needs ended up on the back burner. I sacrificed my needs for others. I was a miserable person inside because I didn’t know how to do things for myself, and I felt guilty that I even had those feelings.
The world wasn’t making much sense to me. It seemed that the selfish people were the ones who were winning in life. These “bad” people who care only for themselves, they were the happiest. Life seemed unfair. Then one day it hit me. Of course they will be happier, because they live for themselves. They do things for their own happiness, and they make it a priority.
Being selfish isn’t completely a bad thing. It only becomes a problem when you are TOO selfish, unable to consider others around you and start heading down that ‘narcissistic path’. While on the other hand, too much of selflessness can make you feel unhappy, neglected and full of resentment, taking on a ‘Martyr’ role. It’s all about balance. One of the most important things to remind yourself, and something that we don’t get to hear enough is that “it’s okay to be selfish”. It’s okay to have your own wants and needs, and it’s okay to put yourself first. While being selfless and caring for others is a valuable and cherished trait, you need to remind yourself that YOUR happiness is just as valuable as everyone else’s around you.
You deserve to be happy too! 😉love sonia, xox